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“We
had a catfight BBQ for me at school.” -Rob
Scenario
Jen:
“You can boss him around now.”
Laura:
“Sounds good to me.”
“Yeah,
and I can come with you to band practice, so that you can know that I don’t suck.” -Brad
“It’s
not that I don’t have faith in whoever; it’s just that I don’t want it to suck.” –Jen
Scenario
Melissa:
“If you ask them to be the emcee, they’re like, ‘Wow, that’s a really big role.’”
Rob:
“I’ve reached the top.”
Scenario
Rob: “You wanna
see fights?”
Melissa: “Yes,
but not fist fights.”
Brad: “Let’s
duke it out, Rob!”
“I know things
about you that you don’t even know about yourself.” –Melissa W.
“I
like your dog; I just don’t like him around me.” –Caroline
“Caroline
doesn’t like things that move.” –Hazelle
Scenario
Charlotte: "I finally find someone, and he moves to Ottawa."
Me: "I finally find someone, and he ditches me for football."
"Oh, you guys can sweat together; that's awesome!" -Melanie
"He's a really good hugger, too!" -Hazelle
"Who are I?" -Charlotte
"It doesn't make a sense!" -Charlotte
Scenario
GPS: In 400 metres, take ramp right.
Caroline: Is that a long time?
"Ah, I can't get this spoon in my mouth!" -Me
"I've been told I could play a Spanish character. Mr. Thumnas could not do that." -JP
Scenario
JP: He looks a lot more white.
Brad: Lawnmower white?
Scenario
Game: Things that confirm you have had too much to drink.
Answer (Rob/Jen): My mantractiveness.
Scenario
Hazelle: Philopino girls kiss on the cheek.
Brad: Each other?
Hazelle: Everyone.
Scenario
*Jen takes a picture and the flash goes off*
Hazelle: Oh, I thought that was lightning!
"So the husband gets a kick out of watching the wife do the dishes because he knows she hates it? That's sick."
-Rob
"What are the love languages? Like, French, English, Spanish...?" -Rob
"Yeah, let's play [tennis] sometime. I think my roommate has raquets. I don't know about balls, though." -Jason FT
Scenario
Melanie: Chicken does not belong on pizza.
Jacinta: I agree.
Hazelle: Chicken doesn't belong in food. Chicken is a pet.
"Can you imagine if we all lived together and a guy came to pick one of us up? He'd have to jump through hoops just to
get to the girl he was actually there for. It would be like, "So, [undisclosed name], what are your intentions?" " -Hazelle
Scenario
Charlotte: Are you driving?
Me: Yes.
Charlotte: Alicia! You shouldn't be talking on the phone when you're driving!
Me: You called me.
Scenario
Charlotte: Is this the song?
Me: Is it track ten?
Charlotte: I don't know.
Melanie: Does the screen say '10'?
Charlotte: I don't know.
Me: Now we know why she didn't know where the second floor was; she can't count.
Scenario
Me: I guess it's just another lost quote.
Charlotte: Aww. That's too bad. It was a funny one.
Me: You don't even remember what it was!
Scenario
Melanie: You know, Hazelle, I don't think it's good for you to have that much mayonnaise.
Hazelle: Whatever. It's one step closer to Heaven.
Scenario
Melanie: Electric egg beater. I think I know what that is... Yeah, I think I've seen one of those before...
Me: When you get married, can I stock your kitchen?
Melanie: Yes, please do.
"Cream of tartar? Is that like tartar sauce?" -Melanie
"Oh my gosh, I thought you were a dog!" -Melanie
"Are there sixty cents in dollar?" -Charlotte
"Where's the second floor?" -Charlotte
"Oh, wait: I can't take my shirt off. I'm stuck." -Melanie
"I was just staring at him the whole time. It was like I'd died and gone to Heaven. He looks like an angel." -Caroline
"Melanie, do you realize that when you buy a pair of shoes, it's entirely possible that other people have tried those
shoes on, and so their feet have touched them?" -Me
"I was debating between this jacket and the Paris Hilton one, and I decided that Steve Madden is just so much more respectable."
-Me
"Ew! Ew! Feet! Alicia, put your shoes back on!" -Melanie
"Come on, Alicia! Run! Here, pretend I'm a psycho rapist and I'll chase after you." -Tony
"You know, Melanie, you really shouldn't say that sort of thing in front of Hazelle, because if she ever decides to go
for her Master's, she might use you for her thesis." -Me (Hazelle is a psychology major)
"Oh, my feathers just fluffed!" -Melanie
"Oh, I really want to unbutton my jeans." -Melanie
Scenario
Everyone: *suddenly goes quiet when the cabin door opens in the pitch dark*
Jen (?): Who is that?
Sarah: It's Sarah.
Everyone: *sigh*
Sarah: Did I scare you guys?
Me: Yes. It was pitch dark and none of us could see anything, and then we suddenly heard the door creak open.
Hazelle: And I didn't have my shirt on!
Jen: Yeah, 'cause the bear would really have cared about that!
Scenario
Melanie: What do you think when you hear 'salty caramel'?
Hazelle: Popcorn?
Scenario
Me: So, Melanie, what are you going to name your son now that you can't use Anthony anymore?
Laura: Maurice.
Me: No. Not Maurice. I am not going to be godmother to a Maurice.
"Oh, did something just poop on me?" -Melanie
Scenario
Charlotte: *pantomiming to the song she's chosen as her wedding song*
Anthony: This song is so cliche.
Charlotte: You're not invited!
Scenario
Hazelle: Imagine what's she's like after a few drinks.
Melanie: That's why I don't drink.
"I used to respect you before I got to know you." -Charlotte
Scenario
Anthony: Where are you guys going?
Melanie: To the washroom.
Anthony: Why?
Melanie: To dispose of our wastes.
Scenario
Me: When are we going to stop for ice cream?
Anthony: If you don't stop whining, I'm going to turn the car around, and we're going to go home.
Me: But we are on the way home.
"Neil Armstrong, the guy who invented the moon?" -Shirley
Scenario
"There now; it was only boring because you were too nervous about getting back to Richmond. If you hadn't been in such
a needless hurry and had taken the time to wander around, you would have gotten hopelessly lost and some hot guy would have
noticed and helped you out, and he would have been Catholic and as ridiculously romantic as you and would have swept you right
off your girly little, smelly feet." -Me (to myself)
"Experience! If I had more experience, I'd know not to come here!" -Lou
Scenario
Andrew: This one time, this girl told me that she just never got insulted, and I didn't believe her, so she told me to
try to insult her, and I said she was flat, and then she got mad at me.
Jen: Andrew, there are some things that you just don't say.
Andrew: Well, she told me to insult her.
Jen: And you had the free will not to do it.
Scenario
Me: Andrew, pick up [that traffic stand thingy] and swing it around.
Andrew: Okay.
Jen: Andrew, put that down!
Andrew: What? She told me to!
Jen: Again with the free will thing.
Scenario
Jen: Andrew Rudolf Nobauer, get down from [that huge rock face that you're attempting to climb without any gear].
Andrew: If Garth were here, he'd let me do it.
Scenario
Tony: Andrew, have you ever smelled your own breath and passed out?
Greg: I generally try not to.
Scenario (when going into a theatre to watch a movie)
Sel: Can we sit up front? I can't see.
Me: You're not wearing your contacts?
Sel: I don't have contacts.
Me: Why didn' t you bring your glasses?
Sel: I didn't think I'd need them.
Me: You knew we were watching a movie, didn't you?
Sel: I usually sit up front.
Me: Sitting at the very front only makes your eyes worse; you know that, don't you?
Sel: Oh, shush!
Scenario
Me: I got a new cell phone.
Viola: What was wrong with the old one?
Me: What was wrong with it? I talked too much.
(While walking in Metrotown with Wy and Sel and suddenly noticing that Jessica was no longer with us) Me: Hey, did we
lose the tortoise?
Scenario
Me: Did you park in P1 or P2?
Charlotte: There are two levels of parking lots?
Me: You are going to make such an interesting mom one day.
Scenario
Mrs. Kerssens: So are you guys going to bring home forty people tonight or something?
Laura K: No...
Me: Do you want us to?
Scenario
Jennifer: What's in your fridge?
Godma: Rubbish!
Scenario
Aunty Marie: It didn't look like one of those cocroaches that move around a lot; it was sort of pale like that.
Jeremy: It's dead, Mum.
Uncle John N.: That's why it was so pale!
"You know, it used to be that in Singapore, I speak English, you speak Indian, this guy speaks Malay, and that guy speaks
Chinese, and we all understand one another." -Uncle John N.
"You've known me how many years, and you still want to ask if I'll share my ice cream with you?" -Aunty Irene
Scenario (Uncle John E. and Aunty Jan's Silver Anniversary)
Father: Do you wish to marry this man again?
Aunty Jan: I suppose so.
Scenario (1964)
Grandpa: You shouldn't marry a Chinese; they will call you all sorts of names, you know.
Aunty Jan: Thank you for your concern, Uncle, but if he calls me names, I'll just call him names back.
Grandpa: Oh, you'll be alright.
"We're not really in a forest; there's just lots of trees around." -Laura K
Scenario
Andrew: I haven't decided what kind of muffin I am yet. I think I might be cranberry, because that's what old people
eat, and I'm very conservative.
Charlotte: And they're sour.
Scenario
Me: Are you ticklish?
Anthony: I have diarrhea.
Scenario
Kelly: Let's go for gelato!
Anthony: I'm broke.
Amanda: It's on Kallen.
Kelly: Kallen has Visa; let's go!
"That's good. You know what else is good? Visa." -Kallen
Scenario
Kallen: I just wanna make sure you're okay.
Me: It was only champagne, Kallen.
"My mom has banned me from fellowship." -Me
"Kitimat is a drug-ridden, beautiful place." -Camille
Scenario
Liz: She adds 'roni' to the end of everyone's name: Lizeroni, Ericroni, Jenaroni, Daneloni...
Jen: Daneloni! He's a different kind of noodle!
"Summer isn't a season; it's a way of life." -Laura K
"You better watch out; you better not cry; you better not shout, I'm telling you why... Dan is throwing meteors around."
-Dan P
Scenario
Me: I think you're a Capricorn.
Charlotte: What's that?
Me: A goat.
Charlotte: A goat? I'm a goat?!
Scenario
Charlotte: How come you two are vicious predators, and I'm a goat?
Me: Rams are herbivores.
Charlotte: Really?
Laura: Yeah. A ram's just a goat with curly horns.
Charlotte: Oh, well, that's alright, then. You're just like me!
Scenario
Charlotte: That's going to haunt me. You're going to be at my wedding, telling all these embarrassing stories.
Me: Yeah, I'll make a speech!
Laura K: Yeah!
Charlotte: No, no! You're not coming!
Scenario
Charlotte: I thought he had a crush on me. Every time he came into the room, I did something to embarrass him.
Laura K: That's you having a crush on him.
Scenario
Anthony: We're pretending that I'm Laura's boyfriend, and Sandhana's Charlotte's boyfriend.
Jenn: All I have to say is that you girls can do way better than that.
Scenario
Anthony: Don't listen to them; they're angels.
Me: Angels!
Sandhana: Not you. He only meant the Kerssens.
Anthony: Yeah, you're a demon like me.
Scenario
Missy: I'm mad at you; you said I'm anorexic.
Chris: I did not say you were anorexic. I said you're a stick.
"That's KING and princesses! I didn't commit patricide to be called "Prince"." -Anthony
"I still have a level of like for you; don't get yourself involved in this." -Jenn
"I am the founder of this movement, and I will talk as long as I want! Who's going to fire me?" -Andre R.
Scenario
Alain: Did you finish [that huge piece of ice cream cake and whipped cream]?
Me: Oh, no, I gave it to Dan.
Alain: That works.
Scenario
Tiff: Let's see; what do I have to offer my husband? I have a Toyota Echo and... my bedroom furniture...
Mel W: Which is a one person bed.
"These crazy Catholic boys. Hanging out with them, I'm likely to end up dead in a snowdrift." -anonymous
Scenario
Garth: And why do we do the scoreboard, Tiffany?
Tiffany: We do the scoreboard because Garth makes us do the scoreboard.
"Girls will get something girly, and guys will get something manly - like turkey." -Melissa W
Scenario
Eric: I've never seen your guitar.
Melissa W: It's a Seagull.
Dan H: I don't know what that means.
Eric: Seagulls... are birds.
Scenario
Jason: What the F, David Bling?
Camille: The intention of that letter was not appreciated.
Scenario
Melissa W: Food's bad. It'll kill you. Everything's carcinogenic, don't you know?
Laura: At least you die happy.
Scenario
Cesar: If I eat it now, it's just a banana.
Anthony: Whereas if you save it for later, it's a rotten banana.
'You're women: you don't sweat; you glow.' -Anthony
Scenario
Francesca: You did really like him?
Charlotte: No, he was more of a hobby, really.
Scenario
Anne Marie: I think these two will be a couple of tough old ladies when they grow old.
Me: Yup, because we learned from the best - you guys.
'Don't worry; your brother won't beat him up. Just don't leave them alone together.' -Jess
Scenario
Anthony: So, should we ask for the bill?
Dom: I think I'll be formal and ask for the William.
'Haha. You're like a sixteen-year-old.' -Anthony
Scenario
Missy: He's cute!
Me: He looks like he's been chewed over by a raccoon.
Scenario
Missy: I don't feel good.
Chris: Are you whining?
Missy: I don't feel good.
Bev: Back there - shhh!
Missy: I don't feel good!
Chris: Cry me a river.
Missy: I will.
Scenario
Missy: So I was driving with my friend -
Chris: You have friends?
Scenario
Muriel: They're such a bunch of dodos.
Anne Marie: Well a person who collects Gollywogs can't be much smarter.
"I hate it when I can't tell if it's you or one of the toys making noise." -Missy
'Deadlines aren't as forgiving as God.' -Eleanor
Scenario
Me: And it's going to be in Calgary so I can drink!
Owin: Better get some practice in before you go, rookie.
'Your ipod is my ipod.' -Owin
"It's a full moon tonight, so wear your crosses and don't get bitten by anything." -Me
Scenario
Tiffany: What's your favourite colour?
Lauretta: I think all colours are special.
Scenario
Trevor: Hold on a moment. I need a drink.
Me: Tell me, whenever your keyboard 'conspires against you', is it after you've been drinking?
Scenario
Trevor: I wanna have sex with you.
Anonymous: And every other woman on the planet.
Trevor: I said it was a club; I didn't say it was exclusive.
'Fine, I'd massage your bloody balls if you were
in that much pain!' -Anonymous
'Sweetie, when I get
kicked in the balls, you could cover my nuts in honey and lick it off, and I couldn't even THINK about sex.' -Trevor
Scenario
(I forget): Why would you let Michella do that to you?
(I forget2): Because she's bigger than me.
Scenario
Tash: You're so depressing today.
Slayton: That's because I feel like a four letter word starting with s and ending with t.
'Mr. Dais, you cannot provoke us and then act mature.' -Tash
'If you are the only one who doesn't want to move the test, I will kill you... and then bring you back.' -Wy
'We'd love to see you, but if you can't come, send a cheque.' -McGillivray
'Math is stupid, and I am stupid. So if opposites attract, then according to the laws of physics, math and I repel each
other.' -Me
'By lunch, you're going to be so distracted because you're going to have your yearbooks - assuming you don't have any
debts to society.' -Hamilton
Scenario
Muriel: For someone who was in communications in the RCAF, you sure don't communicate good.
Lou: I used a machine to communicate; I didn't have to talk.
'The future is for missing; the present is for bitching.' -Me
Scenario
(I forget): Rabbit? You don't know how to spell rabbit?
Deanna: Does it have two t's?
(I forget): It has two b's.
'You see, ladies, you shouldn't drink wine. Always stick to scotch, that's what I say.' -Slayton
Scenario (during attendance when Slayton was subbing Bio class)
Slayton: Oh, I can't pronounce this.
Ajanthia: Oh, I'm here.
'I plan on retiring, living the good life by sitting on the beach drinking gin martinis, but my bank manager may fear
that I'll default on my bills. Who cares?' -Ms. Slayton
Scenario
Amanda: Uh...tah...her...
Tasha: I thought you said there was no new language.
Amanda: Oh, there isn't. This is English.
Scenario
Michella: Jains don't eat honey because, you know, the things need to go to them to eat, right?
Tasha: Some of us like to call them bees.
"Lamb neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed seeeeeeeeeeeex." -Trevor
Scenario
Amanda: I'm so sad because everyone's going away.
Doe: Well, I'm everyone and I'm not going away.
Scenario
Doe: Did you do it?
Jannel: Do what?
Doe: What I told you to do.
Jannel: What did you tell me to do?
Scenario
Ms. Coady: The problem with eating hair...
Ali: Isn't it all dead?
Ms. Coady: Well, yes, but then, hopefully most of the protein we eat is dead.
'She sounds like a caffeinated chipmunk.' -Sam S.
'Did you know, dad, that when you're eighteen, you can sign your own report cards?' -Lesley
Scenario
Talia: I don't believe in Valentine's Day.
Deanna: I don't believe in Valentine's Day, either, but I do believe in chocolate.
Scenario
Tasha: I need to go pee, AGAIN!
Me: I told you not to drink the juice.
Julie: You drank the juice?
Fabbro: She just scared herself with her own fart.
Scenario
Mandy: So no one wants my chocolate?
Tasha: No, but if you leave it around long enough, I'll eat it.
Scenario
Tessa (?): Why is it called Yorkshire pudding?'
Me: Because there was this maid in Yorkshire who overcooked her pudding and it turned into that.
Everyone: Ohhhhhh.
Me: I just completely made that up.
Everyone: *laugh*
Mandy: Wait. What was that?
Me: It's called Yorkshire pudding because a maid in Yorkshire overcooked her pudding and it turned into that.
Mandy: Oh, really?
Steph: No, hun.
Everyone: *laugh*
Julie: What's so funny?
Me: It's called Yorkshire pudding because a maid in Yorkshire overcooked her pudding and it turned into that.
Julie: Uh-huh. Right.
Tasha: You only didn't know because we were laughing.
Julie: You mean I only knew, not didn't know.
Tasha: Whatever.
"You! You made my pillow beep!" -Me
Scenario
Carla: Let's go swimming!
Cassie: What did we just discuss? We CAN'T SWIM!
"You write like an angel. It gives me cause to hate your lovely countenance." -Jess C.
Scenario
Izzy: It's a very nice duck.
Justine: It's a baby!
Scenario
Trevor: Do you enjoy your ovaries, schoolgirl?
Me: Well, I don't plan to utilize them anytime soon, so I'm rather indifferent.
"In any case, I don't think testicles are emotional organs." -Me
"Lou, when you grow old, I hope you slow down." -Biddie (Lou is ninety years old)
"One of my personal favourite insults is to call someone a brain stem, implying that they can function, but have no capacity
for intellectual thought." -Ms. Coady
"Can you get [your cerebellum] enlarged?" Tasha
"I was a wicked smart fetus." -Trevor
'She left school early one day two weeks ago, and we haven't seen her since.' -Ali Fleck
Scenario
Mr Dais: At that point you get 64, right? You can count them on my fingers.'
Tasha: Ha. You have 64 fingers!
Carla: Ewww.
'She suspects that there's a possibility the glass might explode and she leaves the room while we're doing the experiment?'
-Me
'She has a lot of lovers, but none of them know about her.' -Anonymous
Scenario
Trevor: Poopy!
Me: Poopy? How old are you? Four?
Trevor: And a HALF!
'Oh for Christ's sake. Just tell me before your tongue flaps away.' -Trevor
'Well, there you go. Life goes on, but not for him.' -Ms. Slayton
Synario
Sam: What terrorist attacks?
Mr.T.: Didn't you hear? They arrested twelve Catholic schoolgirls over the weekend in Toronto.
Lesley: What? Why?
Mr.T.: They were planning an attack to bomb CSIS headquarters.
Lesley: Oh my God, are you serious?
Sam: Wait, what was that? I didn't hear! I need to know. I don't watch the news.
Me: *laughing hysterically*
'We are men. We swear, have hair on our chests, scratch our balls and grunt at each other in merriment.' -Trevor
'Seriously, you guys should get a master's degree in whining.' -Mr. Taylor
'Did you know that a kidney stone isn't like a real stone stone?' -Ruby
Situation
Ruby: How did you know your hamster was dead?
Deanna: How did I know? Well, it wasn't breathing!
'Ladies, how can you have desert or tropical red earth soils if you've got temperatures of negative ten degrees
Celcius?' -Mr. Coady
'I don't expect perfection of myself, only of you.' -Mr. Taylor
'You deserve to be spanked.' -Selena
'All this chapter does is take your common sense and rip it apart.' -Carla
'It's so pathetic that I have to tell you guys how to cheat.' -Ms. Stokovac
'Well, I recognized his butt before I recognized him.' -Johanna
'That wasn't your brain talking, Nicole; that was Alicia.' -Caroline
' "Handsome and grey-haired"? Isn't that an oxymoron?' -Veronny
'I shouldn't say 'portfolio' because portfolio's become a bad word now, hasn't it?' -Stokovac
'My children, according to Gill, are going to be "hideous muffins running around naked."' -Nicole
Scenario
Mr. Taylor: What's the best thing to do when faced with a cubic?
Faye: Run away.
'Have I ever told you that you are the graveyard where my jokes go to die?' -Trevor
'The huhhiest huh huh in the huh long history of huh.' -Me
'I already did Michael.' -Charlene (?) (Michael is a font)
'Char, the only way you'll be on the streets ten years from now is if the U.S. decides it's completely overpopulated,
takes over Canada and kicks us all out of our homes.' -anonymous
'I LOVE doing the cha-cha! It's my natural state!' -Trevor
'I'm just going to leave you to wither away because I have no idea what you're talking about.' -Mrs. Mills
'What's the point of being skinny if you have to bundle yourself up all year round to stay warm?' -Me
'Delaina, you're within swatting distance.' -Ms. Stokovac
'You do not want to incur the Italian wrath of Jo-Ann Stokovac.' -Ms. Stokovac
'I had to twist Mr. Coady's arm to get you free time because no man understands the importance of shopping when in a
different city.' -Ms. Stokovac
'What do people sometimes do when they want to unite two groups in their country? For example, if we wanted to unite
Quebec and English Canada... They look for an outside threat. I think we should maybe go pick on the U.S., but you know...'
-anonymous
'You need to be mature to know how to be immature' -Deanna C.
'But why would the calculator lie?' -Caroline
Scenario:
Sarah: Do you remember when you were seventeen?
Mr. Taylor: Not as much as you guys.
Sarah: But we're not seventeen yet.
Mr. Taylor: I know.
'Thou shalt not moveth until the bell ringeth.' -Miss Slayton
'I'm sorry. Did you just say 'boob pictures?'" -Jess
'Before you leave, I need to see you in your choir t-shirt to make sure you guys don't look too booblagy [boob-la-gee].'
-Miss Misslang
Scenario
Trevor: Calm blue lake. Calm blue lake.
Me: Trevor's head on a stick. Trevor's head on a stick.
Trevor: You know, you think you're the only person who says that, but you're not.
'Why did they have to come up with a new way to keep us from graduating? I thought they wanted us to
graduate.' -Deanna C.
'Princip was the guy that killed the Archduck.' -Deanna C.
'You know what would be soooo funny? If police officers dressed up for Halloween.' -Me or Deanna C. (depending who you
ask)
Scenario
Worksheet: What do you think most people think of when they think of Canada?
Me: Igloos - where it is very uncomfortable to procreate.
'Yesterday, I walked into a pillar at church and said, 'Excuse me.'' -Ro
'What's my name?' -Doe
Scenario
Amanda: Shae, here's your bible.
Shae: Oh, just throw it on the ground.
Amanda: It's a bible!
'But there's no V in DR. & MRS. VANDERTRAMP.' -Me
'For a reportedly accademically-advanced institute of education, we have a tendency to be inordinately mentally-challenged
on occasion.' -Me
Scenario
Mrs. Troughton: They don't have what we have.
Rose: But they have a cafeteria.
'You're putting it in the wrong hole!' -Doe
Scenario
Shae: Where is everyone?
Me: They're jacking off from watching fish porn.
Scenario
Ms. Coady: Everybody, what's a solenoid?
*pause*
Ms. Coady: It's an electromagnet.
Doe: I was going to say that.
Me: I was going to make cricket noises.
'I have given up. I have just given up! I have decided that there is no way to keep you quiet except to put something
in your mouth. So you may think of it as a lollipop; I think of it as a cork.' -Mrs. L. Clarke
'I need someone to forge Brittany's signature.' -Ms. Coady
'The standard reponse when a woman starts making more sense than a man is, "Let's talk about this when you're not PMS-ing."'
-Me
'If you go to Hong Kong and buy a loaf of bread, you have conducted a transaction with the Mofia.' -Liz M.
'If the Y-chromosone is responsible for mutation, and it's what makes guys guys, does that mean that dicks are mutations?'
-Me
'Insanity is the price of intelligence. However, the former does not ensure the latter.' -Me
'Cellphones: the new lighter.' - Me
'It's not the cost that matters; it's the cause.' -some VC football player
'Yay! I finally got in trouble!' -Me
'Blessed are the flexible.' -Ms. Defretiz
'Maria, it's for the greater good of the class that you move.' -Ms. Coady
'I'm not sure what I'm allergic to; I think it might be kids.' -Mrs. Troughton
Scenario
(I forget): Hanging out with you is like social suicide.
Me: So that's why all my friends are so fascinated with blood and knives.
Scenario
Me: Aren't you supposed to wrap your shirt around your hand before you break a window?
Char: No, that doesn't do anything. The glass just cuts through the shirt.
Me: Then what are you supposed to do?
Char: You punch it just hard enough so that it, like...you know, that thing...
Me: Spiderwebs?
Char: Yeah. And then you just kick the door of the car and the glass falls.
Me: Oh, okay.
Scenario (Char and I had just returned to the lodge at Banff after buying knives)
Alysha: Why did you buy knives?
Char: Because they're cool.
Alysha: Didn't they ask you how old you guys are?
Me: Yeah, but only after they sold us the knives
'Can I kill people and say it's part of my religion?' -Doe
'Why does everyone treat me like such a twit?' - Me
'God fried the Pope.' -Alysha Kwok (she was reading a sign that said 'Godfried for Pope')
'Besides males, the only multi-cellular, partly-haploid species, is fungus. You would therefore be politically correct
in saying that the male species' closest relative is fungus. Also, it means that you girls are genetically superior to fungus
boys over here.' -Ms. Coady
Scenario
Doe: I don't know what I'll do if I ever get rich. Maybe I'll make a documentary of my years here at LFA.
*five minutes later*
Doe and Me: *having a contest to see who can make the longest farting noise*
Me: You want to document this?
'Why are threesomes always two girls and one guy?' -Flav
'Strong, muscular arms!' -Selena
'They're all jealous of our national animal, of course. Ours is the most industrious...Can a eagle build a dam? Can a
lion climb a tree? No!' -Mr. Coady
'It's just like in the movies!' -Flav
'I want a rich sound, not so breathy. More operatic and less Marilyn Monroe, please.' -Miss Misslang
'Maternity is a matter of fact. Paternity is a matter of opinion.' -Ms. Coady
Scenario
Me: You meanie pooh! You erased the Happy Family!
Doe: Is that why everyone was staring at me?
'Stop poking me!' -Wyanne
Scenario
Wyanne: Finish your food!
Me: Yes, Mother.
'Power Rangers - they're like Madonna; they should know when to die.' -Ro
'Dream on drugstore cowboy.' -Mrs. Troughton
'Don't go to Tinsel Town!' -Mrs. Bryde
Scenario
Me: Woot, woot! Wada-wanuna-who-daaaaaa KU!
Char: What did you give her?
Doe: Nothing. I swear. Why does everyone always blame me?
'When you get right down to it, the only thing the world judges us on is paper. Paper money, paper diploma, paper resume.'
-Me
Scenario
Doe: I hate Christmas.
Julie: What's wrong with you?
Doe: Everything.
'Everyone, a hand for Michelle: she found her book.' -Mrs. L. Clarke
'There's a bunch of crazy people living in my house - myself included.' -Doe
'Why is everyone so mean to their grandmas?' -Me
'It's a fact that drunk people love to walk. It doesn't matter what the weather's like. They can walk for hours and hours
and not get tired. So if you say to your drunk buddy, let's WALK home, they're gonna think it's a great idea.' -guest speaker
Scenario:
Drea: You know that saying: Never throw a tainted pickle out on the street?
Me: Does that mean only virgins can be prostitutes?
'Straight guys are so gay.' -Shae
'Normality is so out these days - it's like heterosexuality.' -Me
'See? I'm wacko. It's the PMS. It comes and just takes over.' -Flav
'You say 'yeah yeah' to your parents and annoying people and 'yup yup' to your friends.' -Me
'I'm not a drawer; I'm a cliparter.' -Ms. Coady
'The one who thought that tuna was chicken because it said 'chicken of the sea.' Oh, yeah, she's someone to admire!'
-Mrs. L. Clarke
'Hey, that's my name!' -Doe
'I'm going to fail.' -Justine
'Tightass No.2 is not a respectable name, so now I call him the Sex Panther.' -Doe
'Yep, I ate sheep.' -Carolyn
'You know the pic with the bushels? Yeah, the guys in that one were hot.' -Me
'This book has seen better days. It used to have a cover, but then my boys got at it when they were little. Should have
fed them more.' -Mr. Coady
'If you were born lazy, you were born a scientist.' -Ms. Coady
'I need a husband.' -Doe
'Don't break my egg.' -Vanessa
'Yes, it's sad, isn't it? However, it has served its purpose as a pen.' -Mr. Coady
'"You look lonely?" What kind of line is that?' -Doe
'He's hot? He's cold! He's dead!' -Mrs. L. Clarke
'You know what, Nicole? You're after people who are completely inaccessable: dead people and clerical people.' -Mrs.
L. Clarke
Scenario
Nicole: Oh, you like someone, huh?
Doe: Yes, I like someone I don't even know.
Nicole: Why? Is it a famous person?
Doe: No, and it's not a dead person, either.
'Can I name something after myself?' -Nicole
'Bullets, sweetheart. Bullets. In plain English, the bad guys are shooting at us. Now run, damn it, run!' -some guy from
some story.
'Liz, get your shirt off!' -Ro
Scenario
Doe: 'Yes... I have a STI called Dohrea.' (she doesn't actually)
Me: 'Yeah, she got it from having sex with a panther.'
'Laughing is a defensive mechanism for me.' -Me
'Did you know it's kinda scary when guys are polite?' -(I forget)
Scenario
Mr. Coady: Guess who made an appearance at Whistler last winter?
Michelle: I know! Toby Keith!
Mr. Coady: Ah, no. The Mountain Pine Beetle.
'Hold on, T.S. Eliot. We have a ladybug.' -Mrs. Graham
Scenario
Ro: 'Christians don't believe in gravity!' (originally quoted from Family Guy)
Flo: Is that true?
'Okay, ladies. I'm assuming the lack of clarity today is related to the fact that you know absolutely nothing.' -Ms.
Coady
'Put that chick away!' -Mrs. L. Clarke
'I wouldn't make you guys do push-ups the whole hour; that'd be child abuse.' -Mrs. Bryde
'Ionic bonds are like dating; they're close because they're attracted to each other, but there's no touching. Covalent
bonds are like marriage; there's touching.' -Ms. Coady
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